The Thicket
by an ugly duckling
Summary: Nate sits upright and stares at the window till the first rays of sunlight burst through the blinds. Then he says: "Mom is dead" to no one and the truth hits him but he still doesn’t feel a thing. -- set during their first year of college.


A/N: Set in November 2009, thus taking an AU turn from episode 2x20 on. In my mind, Nate has stepped back on Prom night and Chuck and Blair were reunited. Blair got into NYU, Nate got into Columbia, Serena missed out on college and Chuck is already in the Bass CEO office. They're all on friendly terms (except, of course, for Blair and Chuck, who do also live together). Serena and Nate have their own apartments. Don't ask. For all I care, Dan is in Yale, Vanessa is travelling the world.

Rated T for profanity and, well, distressing themes.

Disclaimer: Wasn't me.

* * *

**The Thicket**

.

It's Monday night before Thanksgiving and there's a blonde girl in his bed when the call reaches him. He answers, his breathing ragged, and then the world starts collapsing.

Somehow, it figures. Neat and clean, some extremely expensive vodka and painkillers, not leaving a mess but disappearing quietly. Appropriately.

The police counsellor is still talking to him – at him – and he is just sitting on the edge of his bed, hair dishevelled and eyes blank and he can't think of anything else but the drugs slowly travelling through her body, reaching the brain, the heart, the lungs. He has to force himself to keep from screaming.

There's another voice, a shadow next to him and when he doesn't react, she leaves.

Later, the counsellor's voice is gone and Nate can't remember who ended the call. He sits upright and stares at the window till the first rays of sunlight burst through the blinds. Then he says: "Mom is dead" to no one and the truth hits him but he still doesn't feel a thing.

.

It's already all over the local news and she has to command herself to stay calm when the elevator doors open and the sight of Chuck and Blair and a table set for breakfast greets her. She sighs when she sees Blair's smile – they don't know yet and she doesn't know what to say.

Blair, however, opens her arms. "Serena! What a surprise, why didn't you call?"

She closes her eyes a bit longer than just to blink. "It's not… I couldn't…"

"Dorota! We need to set …"

"Wait." Her voice is hoarse and she doesn't know for how long she can stay sane. Chuck frowns and touches Blair's arm. The brunette turns around and meets Serena's eyes. Her smile fades.

"You haven't heard the news yet?" It's unnecessary to ask, but she has to fill the silence until Blair has sat down again. Both shake their heads and Serena stares at her fingernails.

"So, um. Nate's mom. She's dead. Suicide. Overdose."

She looks up and Blair's lower lip trembles. Chuck exhales sharply. "Anne. Oh my God."

.

He decides to attend class, just to do something, but as soon as he steps outside to go to Columbia, he is greeted by a serious looking policeman. Apparently, they have been waiting for him. He can't remember agreeing to talk to them, but then again, he can't remember very much from the nightly phone call.

It's like Thanksgiving last year. Police officials. And the year before. Drug overdose. His eyes hurt and the irony stings – that's Thanksgiving, it's part of who he is.

"Nathaniel Archibald?"

He nods and pulls the collar of his jacket up.

"May I offer you my sincere condolences?"

Nate stares at him. Right. _Right._ Condolence. He tries to respond – how do you respond to that? 'Yes, you may?' – then he just closes his mouth and coughs slightly.

He can't feel anything.

"My name is Captain Maconey." The man nods to the woman behind him. "This is Liza Hammington, she's our counsellor."

He has to say something, so he says: "Please, come in."

They look at each other and follow him inside. The doorman doesn't smile and the receptionist sends him a sad glance. Numbness spreads through his body.

.

He can hear Blair and Serena talking next door. Their voices sound shrill to his ears and he lights a cigarette and steps outside onto the balcony.

A grim line runs around his mouth, his right hand dives into his pocket. Chuck knows he has to talk to Nate sooner or later, but this is different than all they've been through. He desperately wants to tell him that he knows what it feels like, orphan and all, but he also knows that this is something else than Bart. Than his mother. It's not that it's another fucking level, it's just that this is a totally different, incomparable, otherworldly kind of thing altogether. They're not even talking the same language here.

He can't believe that a few months ago they were fighting over Blair, just to have Nate realise, step back and smile at him and turn away and leave them to be together. Finally. Chuck knows that this, too, was something else entirely and that everything is – was – fine afterwards, but he can't help but feel a pang of guilt now for taking Blair away from his best friend. It's completely irrelevant and stupid, but inside he hears Blair sniffing and he is sure that she's telling Serena of all the family dinners and soirees and laughter.

Cursing, he kills the cigarette and calls his driver.


End file.
